Perfect Imperfections

Flawed…

I proudly present myself as flawed and unfiltered because that is how life presented itself to me. I stand bare, asking politely to be loved, as I recall how I got my scars and blemishes that have nothing to do with the prospect before me. I don’t always have the answers, and I can barely teach myself anything, but I know I can learn to be whatever he needs me to be as long as he’s willing to be patient enough to teach.

Difficult…

I seek clarity in everything I pursue. I question, rant and defy knowing how it angers the Power that is. I never tackle anything blind or uninformed. My lack of trust makes it difficult to take bold leaps. The path I have chosen has challenged me to trust the road ahead of me and the Power that occasionally fuels my pursuit of contentment or fulfilment in submission. Submission is a concept I once criticised just as effortlessly as I later fully understood and embraced. At times, I find comfort in defiance, and at times that can be interpreted as disobedience when it is, in fact, a request for the affection and attention of my beloved — given that it is one of the things that brought us together.

Annoying…

I compare myself to a chihuahua: unnecessarily loud and needy. When I don’t get my way, which I perceive as the status quo of my journey, I throw tantrums. I rant not because I am unable to express myself but rather because I know my humble grievances will fall on defensive (and sometimes deaf) ears. My needy nature is met with nonchalance and, because I don’t see eye-to-eye with the Power that is anymore, I am perceived as insecure. anyone with half a brain cell would know how annoying it is to deal with someone who deals with heavy insecurities. My perceived insecurities are, rather, alarm bells for the Power that is to see that the traveller on the journey It has put her on is deprived of love, not assurance.

Alone…

If you’ve ever been left out in the rain, you’d know how lonely it can feel once you’re saturated with heaven’s tears. The discomfort of the rain’s cold and wetness moves to the back of your mind, and all you have left to deal with is your pathetic self. You could have chosen better and avoided that, but because you deeply believe in whatever cause you cherish and defend the object of your cause has taken what it needed and left what’s left of you feeling alone. Rejected. Obsolete. Unimportant. You’re left to fend for yourself with recollections of words once spoken and fulfilling emotions that have since faded. The Power that is has given you the tools you need to simultaneously depend on its guidance for the rest of the journey and sustain yourself with the past whenever you need fuel.

Arrogant…

I ain’t shit but man, am I enough. I have people in my life who love me with all my shortcomings, people who want to see me happy and thriving. I’m an emotional wreck who knows how to keep her head cool when the fight isn’t worth my energy. Life has shown me just how bad it can get, and I have overcome so much this year alone. I’ve saved many jobs, empowered people with my professional advice and I’ve worked hard to achieve the career milestones behind me. I’m brilliant. I am beautiful. I am kind. I am a fucking force. None of those things should ever be viewed as weaknesses because they’re the very least interesting things about me. Some may say I have a big head, and I wear my head with pride because there’s no glory in being small, flaws and all.