Afraid of Heights

The next morning, I found myself alone in bed wondering where my gorgeous Greek god had disappeared to. As I got ready for work, I found a note from him in the bathroom informing me that he had left for work early because an emergency had surfaced. I continued with my morning routine, except this time I had a special spring in my step. There is nothing more beautiful than the feeling of having a new person in your life who cares about you and is there just for you. I believe this new feeling he gives me – it isn’t love – is key to my healing from the hurt I’ve been experiencing in my last relationship. I got to the office, attended one meeting after the next and got to work on my new client’s books throughout the day. Before I knew it, it was 7pm and I needed to get home to make dinner. I had invited my parents to stay over for the night so that they could board their flight to Bali the next day on time. Before I could finish packing, my mother called.

“Ona, we’ve been knocking on your door for over ten minutes now! Where are you? Are you safe? Are you up to something with Morena in the house?!”

“No Ma, I’m at the office. I lost track of time and worked beyond my usual hours. I’ll be home in 15 minutes but in the meantime, you can grab the key under the brown pot plant by the fountain. You already know the code. Help yourselves to some drinks, I’ll get started on dinner as soon as I get there.”

I drove home as fast as I could, and of course my mother had a mouthful to say about being home late. She went on and on about how a wife should never get home after her husband, and that a good woman knows when to stop working. She also commented on my house’s interior decoration. She didn’t like anything except the wallpaper for the reception. Fortunately, this is my house and because I like everything I have in my house, it’ll stay just as it is. As I prepared the beef stew and mash potatoes, my father asked me about work. I told him about the weight of my workload and that im gunning to make partner soon. He has always been more concerned about my professional performance than my personal well-being.

My father is one of those fathers who wanted to see their children’s report cards to make sure their grades were kept up. He didn’t care about how I was bullied at school for being a clever child. He didn’t give a damn about the countless times I came home crying because the boys would bully me for being fat and not as beautiful as most of my friends. That was my life throughout primary and high school, and my father missed it all because he wanted to show everyone how smart his future CA was. I remember him waving my matric statement around as he paraded the street, shouting to the neighbourhood that his daughter got five distinctions and was going to become the country’s best CA yet. That made me sick to my stomach, which was why I barely came home to visit the family while I was at varsity. On my graduation day, he did it again. Once I had made enough money to get my own place, I moved out and barely went home to visit. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t resent him for being proud of me, it just would have been nice if a girl got a hug just for being his daughter sometimes.

My mother then asked if Morena would be joining us for dinner, and I explained what happened to her. That’s when she said something appalling.

“You have always been a quitter, you know. You gave up on losing weight as a child, you gave up on a career as a model in varsity and now you’ve given up on your marriage. Why are you doing this to yourself? Can’t you see that you’re destroying your own life? Can’t you see the hurt your bringing to yourself? In marriage, we persevere. In marriage, we compromise. In marriage—”

“Mom, I have had just about enough of your toxicity, and I think it’ll be best if you heard my side of the story clearly before telling me what I should have done. You don’t know what it’s like to lose a child you’re excited about. You don’t know what it’s like to catch your husband fucking his PA in the shower—”

“Ona, that’s just about enough! Don’t use that language with your mother!”, my father interjected.

“Father, I love you. More than any other man in the world. I love you so much, but you’ve never acknowledged that. You’ve been so quick to criticise when my grades weren’t good enough that you forgot to be a father to me. Don’t start now. Like I was saying, mom, you don’t know what it’s like to catch your husband fucking his PA in the shower you built and designed together. You have no idea what I’ve been through with Morena. He left me, not the other way around. I was not about to prolong my pain just so I can hold onto the “Mrs Mogale” title. I’m smarter than that and love myself a little too much to expose myself to more avoidable pain. So, I apologise for disappointing you, again. I just had to have a moment of selfishness to secure my happiness.”

My mother calmly putdown her glass of wine, walked off to the guest bathroom and wailed for a few minutes. My father cleared his throat and went after her. I stood by the stove, still raging internally. I thought to go apologise to both, but instead I continued cooking. Once done, I dished up for everyone and had my food alone inn my room. Soon thereafter, I fell asleep. The next morning, after getting ready for work, I found my parents eating breakfast at the table. To avoid confrontation, I coldly greeted them, grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the kitchen island. Before I could et away, my father called me to the table to have breakfast with them. I stopped dead in my tracks, thought about the request and turned to walk towards the table. I dished up my food and mom began the conversation.

“Onalerona, I have never been told the things you’ve told me before. I didn’t even know that things were that bad between Morena and you. I was under the assumption that your silence was because you were still enjoying time with your ex-husband. Little did I know that you were suffering in silence, and that’s not healthy. As soon as you fell pregnant, I should have gotten a call. As soon as you had lost the baby, I should have gotten a call. As soon as you found Morena cheating, you should have called. You really didn’t have to go through everything alone—”

“That’s the thing Mom, I wasn’t alone. Morena’s mother was with me all along. She didn’t wait for a call before she found out about the pregnancy, miscarriage and infidelity. She was just there, whether we needed her or not. I appreciate her so much for what she’s done for me because she made me feel like I had a good mother, for once in my life. You’ve pushed me to be a show pony. You lived out your dead dreams through me and convinced me that they were my own when they weren’t. I resented you for that for a long time, but I chose to forgive you and move on with my life. Now that I’m back on my feet, I would appreciate it if you two could stop what you’re doing and make a choice: be my parents or stay out of my life. I must leave for work now, have a safe flight. I love you both.” With that, I kissed them both on the cheek and left the house.

---

I got to the office and was summoned to the boardroom by my boss. I wondered what everything was about, but he didn’t have that stank look on his face this time, so I didn’t think it was anything bad. Once I got to the boardroom, I saw the board of directors and some of the major company shareholders seated around the massive marble table in the board room. The room has glass walls that tint on demand using a remote control, and the seats around the boardroom table feel like beanbags stuffed with angel dust. They’re a dream to sit on, trust me. I greeted everyone in the room and sat at the end of the table. Mr Kruger, the CEO, stood up and addressed everyone in the room.

“Good morning, everyone. As you all know, we have been conducting some employee evaluations and observations over the past year and a half. Onalerona, we have reviewed your performance while you were around, and we find you to be an excellent candidate for the partner position. What’s even more astounding is that even in your absence, we couldn’t cope without you. That says a lot about your work ethic. I’m proud to request that you take up the partner position and join the management team. You deserve it, Ona.”

Everyone in the room stood up to applaud me for my promotion. For what felt like a very long moment, I sat in disbelief before I got up to shake my new peers’ hands. I couldn’t believe that it was happening so soon and to me. I accepted the position, and moved offices from the sixteenth to the twentieth floor (where the people in management work). I got a corner office that has a small coffee table on one side with gorgeous sofas, as well as an aquarium behind my desk. It is gorgeous! If I could live in that space without seeming like a bum, I would definitely do it. For the following months, I made sure that management could see that they didn’t make a mistake promoting me. I worked my ass off, and I enjoyed spending every single cent of my pay check from then onwards.

As expected, things between Zeus and I took a bit of a knock. We weren’t spending much time together (since we don’t live together) and whenever we do it’s just a chilled night in with movies and sleep. That's why it was easy to swallow news about his business trip, and the duration (a whole month). He had to go to Congo for a business trip, then spend a week at his family home to visit the part of his family he hasn’t seen in years. At the airport, he gives me his house keys and remote before landing a soft kiss on my forehead. I watched him walk to his boarding gate, and then drove to his place for the night. I could still smell his cologne on his pillow, and hear him breathe as I tried to doze off. I cried myself to sleep, which doesn’t usually happen but this times different: I missed my man.