No Harm, No Foul

“Uh, hi… I got a call from security this morning about a code being given to someone last night. Did you have a visitor?”, Morena asked.

“No, I went out with a new client. We had some dinner meetings to get through with management, so a car was sent to pick me up. Nothing major.”, I nervously replied.

“Oh, okay… I thought you might have had the girls over. Anyway, it’s good to hear your voice. How are you doing? How was therapy for you?”

I don’t like small talk. At all. It is the bane of my existence, to be frank. If I could cut that call with Morena short, I would have. I didn’t want to give him the impression that something was up after all the questions he had asked. If ever Morena gets to meet Zeus, then at least he’ll know him to be a colleague instead of a potential partner. Right now, I don’t want to give Morena grounds to bash me any further and make me feel worthless. Not that he has done this before, but I know he has the potential to should the conditions therefore be met. With all that’s happening around me, I need to figure out what’s next for us. Do I want to fix our marriage? Not really. I haven’t felt loved since Kgosi passed. I haven’t loved Morena since finding out about Mbali. I have been an emotional zombie, so to speak. It’s a lonely and unfulfilling way to live, but that’s my life. I love Kgosi, don’t get me wrong. I’ve spent a good amount of my best years with the man, but betrayal and disrespect are two things I can’t handle very well. It’s easier to just walk away, to be honest. However, I should be willing to fight for the marriage as much as it is necessary before I make that choice. In the meantime, Zeus is slowly waking me up from the emotional coma and he has barely scratched the surface in terms of getting my attention in terms of what he has done for me. This feels all sorts of wrong, suddenly.

The following few weeks were intense with work keeping me busy and me clearing out Kgosi’s nursery to create an extra guest room. At some point, all the memories of my pregnancy kept flooding back, and I felt a wave of tears filling up my eyes. I had a moment when I just broke down on the ground. I wept from within and cried out to the empty room. There was no one else in the house, and no one I wanted to call for help either. I remember crying myself to sleep on the floor that night, it was that bad. Am I okay now? Kind of. I’m learning to heal, using my faith in God as a place of strength and healing. The support I’m getting from everyone in my circle is helping tremendously. Getting Kgosi’s old nursery redecorated is a great outlet for my pain, and it’s coming on nicely. One day, I was painting the walls, when I got a call from security at the main gate.

“Heita Aus’ Ona. Zeus is here to see you; can I give him a code?”

“Sure Thabo, let him in.”

I forgot that I looked like a mess. I had an oversized, paint-stained shirt on with sneakers. I last took a shower about six hours before, so I wasn’t smelling so fresh with all the work I had done. I figured I’d let Zeus in, find out what he wants and decide whether I should change how I look. I walked out of the house to wait for Zeus to pull up from the driveway but tripped over the small step by the front door. The shirt I was wearing had elevated slightly, showing off a bit of my goodies. Before I could get on my feet, I hear laughter. I looked up and saw Zeus standing in front of me, laughing his ass off. I quickly got up, pulled down the shirt and tried to brush off what had just happened, but my yellow-bone face wouldn’t hide the rosy cheeks I was sporting. I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t even respond to his greeting.

“Nice ass, by the way. Pity I got to first see it under such circumstances. Are you okay?”, Zeus chuckled.

“Hahaha, I’m fine. I’ve been working on this ass my whole life, I just might have it insured soon.”

“Oh, I see. Its always good to insure your best assets. Anyway, I came over to find out if you’d be keen for dinner. I haven’t seen you in weeks, so I thought it would be good to catch up. Judging from the way you’re dressed, you either have no dinner plans or you already have company…”

“I’ve been renovating one of the rooms in the house for a while. I dress like this so that I don’t ruin my good clothes. Do you want to come up and see it? The room, I mean.”, I responded.

Zeus came upstairs, looked at the work I had done and complimented it. I had a short moment of pride before he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I felt flustered, and my rosy cheeks made an appearance again. I don’t know wat this man is doing to me, but I kind of like it. We hung out in the lounge to catch up on a cup of coffee before I went upstairs to shower and change for dinner. I wore tight skinny jeans, a tucked-in tank top and a blazer with heels. I walked downstairs, and noticed Zeus staring at me from the bottom of the staircase. He looked at me like he wanted to eat me, which felt great because no one ha ever looked at me that way. I liked the way he bit his lip when he watched me walk towards him. I could smell his cologne from a short distance away, so I was melting too. I tripped on a step, and just as I was about to hit the ground, he caught me. We remained in that awkward embrace and laughed together before I felt a sharp pain in my ankle.

“Great, I sprained it! I don’t think ill be able to go out in these heels. I need to change my shoes.”

“No, I would not want you to apply pressure on the ankle. Let’s have dinner here; we can cook together if it’ll make you feel better. You can’t go out limping.”, Zeus suggested.

“I just need to change my shoes, Dad. Stop fussing. Let me go up and do that so we can go out.”

“No, we’re staying in. My orders, young lady.”, Zeus insisted.

That’s when he picked me up and carried me to the lounge to place me on the couch. He unstrapped my heels, placed them on the floor and helped take my blazer off. Being this close to him brought back memories from the moment we shred at the club the other night. I can’t shake off the heat between us, but I’m not entertaining it until I’m sure he feels the same way. The evening begins with arguing over what to eat, and eventually we settle on spaghetti bolognaise with vegetables and red wine. As he was cooking, we talked more about our childhoods and families, and past relationships.

“I noticed there are photos of you and another man in the lounge… Is he your ex-husband?”

“Yeah, that’s Morena. I haven’t bothered to remove them because I haven’t noticed that they’re still there. I’ll have to get rid of them at some point, I guess…”

“Ona, seriously… you’re not fooling anyone. I think you still feel something for your ex. It’s okay, you can be honest with me.”, Zeus said. “Everyone experiences hurt every now and then, and it’s okay to admit to that pain. The pictures probably remind you of happier times, and you’re holding onto them so that you don’t slip emotionally.”

I’ve never heard someone talk so much shit in my life…

“No, seriously. I haven’t bothered to remove them because I’ve forgotten that they’re there. I’m over the marriage, and ready to move on. It’s about time to do that, anyway.”, I said.

We had dinner at the table, cleaned up the kitchen together and sat in the lounge again finishing off the bottle of wine we were enjoying. A phone call comes in. its mine.

“Ona, I have another code notification. Are you alone?”, Morena says. He sounded drunk, and like he was at a bar or some place where people chill and drink.

“No, I’m not. I’m working again. What’s going on”, I responded. Liar.

“I’m coming over, we need to talk.”

Knowing Morena, I can’t say anything to change his mind about coming over no matter what I say. I felt a tightness in my chest, and my throat started closing. After ending the call, I told Zeus that Morena was coming over and that he was drunk. Zeus asked if he should leave and against my own better judgment, I said no. I knew that I’d need a friend after hurricane Morena rolls in, and Zeus was the perfect person to be that friend. I prepared myself emotionally for Morena’s arrival. I had to, for my own sanity. About an hour after the call, and Uber pulls up the driveway, and Morena drunkenly stumbles out of the car. Once he had gained composure, he walked up to me. He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away because the smell of alcohol reeking from his frail body made me nauseous. I could see the rage on his face build up before he snapped at me.

“O, now you don’t even want to touch me? Who the hell do you think you are? I made you, remember? I introduced you to the life you’re living right now. Had it not been for me, you’d still be living in the East with your overbearing mother hustling for your next meal. Don’t treat me like dirt just because I did you wrong one time, Ona!”

“Morena, you smell like alcohol. You know how I feel about that, so you know why I’m pushing you away. I don’t mean to make you feel like dirt, I just don’t like being uncomfortable. I’m with a client, so we can’t have this conversation right now. Come back tomorrow and we’ll talk.”

“No, I might as well finish this shit now. I’m marrying Mbali in a few months. I’ve filed for divorce, and I’m leaving you with everything we share. I want you out of my life, Ona. You’ve done nothing but force me to be a man I don’t want to be, and I’m sick of it. Cheating on you felt good, because I finally felt free. I fucked Mbali in our house because I wanted you to find us. I wanted to hurt you, and instead you’re hurting me. I’m over it. It’s over, stupid bitch!”

As Morena said that, Zeus charged at him from behind me and dragged him towards his Uber. I wanted to stop Zeus from hurting Morena but Morena was trying to hit Zeus the whole time I was afraid he’d hit me too. As I shouted at Zeus to stop, Morena broke away from Zeus, charged towards me and punched me in the face. I remember falling to the floor, crying hysterically and hearing the car speed off before Zeus came to help me up and back into the house. I had a nice shiner on my eye, and a few scars on my arm from the fall. Zeus helped reduce swelling on my eye, while taking photographs of the bruise for evidence for the police.

“I’m taking you to the police station in the morning to report that asshole. He shouldn’t have done that.”, Zeus said angrily.

“Zeus, I have something to tell you… I’m still married to Morena. He’s angry at me for not giving him a chance to fix things between us after he cheated on me. I’m so sorry for lying to you about this, I’m just in a weird emotional space and was not sure how things with Morena would work out…”

Zeus looked down, put down the cloth he used to help me with my bruise, and walked out of the room… Damn.